Wedding Fever?

Is it  wrong for someone whose not engaged but has a boyfriend to dream about their wedding and just crave for it to happen? I'm going through that now, actually I have been for the last year and a half.. maybe longer. Especially over the last year that I've been living with Frank.

I really want to take his last name and be his wife. I want to commit to him in front of our closest friends and family. It's hard to tell him in words why I want to marry him. Words cannot describe my love. It's just a feeling inside that tells you who you are meant to be with. My heart chose him.

I say it all the time, but he is my best friend. Not a day goes by with an awkward silence, nothing to say. I always have something to say to him and our conversations are endless. Even when were together in a room and it's quiet, it's comfortable. I miss him when we're apart. That even means for the 10 hours a day we're both working. The best part of my day is the hug we give each other when he gets home.

He has brought out the best  in me. Before meeting him I was shy and had low self esteem. He told me I was beautiful and I could hear in his voice that he meant it. He taught me how to be confident in myself again. That I wasn't a bad person or a bitch like my "friends" had told me before. He tore down my wall and let me in with open arms. I told him my secrets and fears with no shame or embarrassment. I began to trust him. I love him for that every day. And when things were rough he stood right by my side. Other boys didn't want to "deal" with it. Or even try to understand, but Frankie did.

He knows how bad I want to get married. I know he does too. Just waiting for that perfect moment so he can do it right. It's hard for me. I have very little patience and this is one thing I've had to be patient for, for a very long time. We've tested the waters when it came to moving in with him, and I'm so happy it worked out for the better. I can't imagine living in Los Angeles alone, or him alone here with out me.

However I do want a short engagement.

I've sent him pictures of all the pretty rings I would like. I can't wait to see the one he ends up giving me. I know it'll be perfect.

I picked out the dress I would love to wear. We'll see if it works for my body, or if I end up finding something completely different.

I want the wedding to be in Laguna Beach. It's our favorite place here in California. Why should we be the ones traveling?

But this is still all hypothetical. 

I can't help that I get jealous when a girl I know from high school or what ever gets engaged. I sometimes think its not fair. But I know that my marriage will last forever, unlike those girls that are getting married when they've been dating their man for less than a year. That's just not enough time to get to know someone inside and out. 

My best memory with Frank is the weekend he had food poisoning in 2007. Who would thing thats fun? It wasn't, I'm afraid of vomiting. But I played the role as mom and took care of him. When his stomach started to settle down we talked. We really opened up to each other then. As vulnerable as he was, I looked at him with love. I wouldn't just take care of any very sick man. ((I did all this with a broken right hand)) I really feel that weekend brought us together for good.

I met Frank on September 16, 2006 and we've been together since October 10, 2006. An amazing four years have flown right on by, and times just going faster.

I love you so much Frankie.. I can't wait for the rest of our lives together.