Ever get the urge to do something. Become incredibly motivated to do it. You get going, you do well, then you just stop at the drop of a hat. That's how I currently feel.
So many things I have started and just stopped doing. Posting my glucose levels and steps, my grannie square blanket. Heck, even the cupcakes I started crocheting over a year ago. (I do wear my pedometer every day at work and have been walking around 5000 steps each day.)
I just feel like I'm searching for something. I have an itch that I just can't scratch. Maybe my quarter life crisis is really setting in. Here I am in the second biggest city in the country. I mean the population of Canada fits in L.A. Surrounded by our super successful animator friends, Frank included. I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm Sam, the girl that works at 1969. How's that sound next to someone who works in the "industry?"
However, I do love my job to death. I am always really proud of myself when I make my weekly goals or do big sales. It's not easy.
I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I'm just trying to figure out what I really want to be. What I really want to do. I envy Frank so much. He's known exactly what he has wanted to do since he was 12. TWELVE! I've had different career idea's since I was three. Nurse, marine biologist, teacher, art teacher, graphic designer, model, pastry chef, even planner, architect, singer, photographer, interior decorator, sound designer, editor and so on. I mean you can tell I was 13 when I came up with some of those thoughts. But nothing was practical for me. I always wanted to do something with art. I'm artistic, have been my whole life. Mind you I can't come up with an idea or a layout for the life of me.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. I don't want to figure out what I want to be in 40 years. I want to figure out what I want to be, what to do, now. How do you figure it out? I know I could never be a housewife. I'd be too bored. I could though, be a stay at home mom. I know I want to do that. But I want a career. I want to be in the art field, but what field do I want to be in. I feel like painting and photography are just hobbies for me. I'd love for something like that to be more. I just feel like I can't do something like that. I wouldn't even know where to get started.
Proff I know what I'm doing. Even if the pictures are all 5 years and younger.
2006 Senior Project
Graphite
2007 Lifedrawing
Charcole on newsprint. 3hrs
2007 Observational Painting
Acrylic on canvas. 3hrs.
2006 2D perspective building
No rulers used.
I've hardly done anything artistic since I chose not to go back to school three years ago. The first drawing was done my senior year of high school, that I did win an award for. The rest all done in my first year and half of college. I still have my portfolio bag from that course, and it still has the newsprint full of life drawings and even some life paintings. That life drawing is the best one I ever did and the one I am still most proud of.
But none of that is going to get me anywhere now is it? Sigh.
I need help. I need guidance. I want to figure something out before I hit 25. That's just around the corner.
First, you're on the right track with all of these thoughts, wants, goals, wonders filling your mind. Thinking of what we want, day dreaming about it, focusing our energy on it even just by thinking about it is basically laying a mental path to your dream job, your dream life. Take a deep breath and visualize that path, keep adding to it until you feel you've come to where you need to be and don't stress about the journey.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I'm an artist - I've always been one, since I was a little girl. Your art is INCREDIBLE! You can make it in the art world, if you heart is in it. I say that because I know I can too, it's simply the getting there process. And I am working on that.
Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing!
De-lurking here, but I have to pipe up and say if you are THIS AWESOME at visual art and it makes you happy, why not just make art for the sake of art and not worry about the life ramifications? The quarterlife crisis is going to be confusing, and some things go unanswered for a loooooong time. But doing something that makes you happy that you're apparently good at is a good step towards clearing your head for the next answer.
ReplyDeleteMy two cents. :)
ahh iknow the feeling. It's so hard to know what you want to do. I don't enjoy my job at all and i feel like i'm wasting my life/talents. You should try to pursue something with art though, you are talented! Can't frank hook u up?
ReplyDelete