A Reflection

In just a few short days a new year will be upon us. A few days after that will mark my entry into the mid twenties. Twenty four, ouch. I can't say that I am really looking forward to that.

But I can say that I am so thankful that this crappy year of 2011 is finally over with. There was too much unneeded stress this year. When January 1 rolled around I was so optimistic that this was going to be a great year. What a bitch slap to the face that was. Well it may have started on a good note, the months from June to December have been by far some of the worst in my life. From stupid drama with girls, to relationship issues, to not being fulfilled at work.  

And here I am in Michigan, once again. Sigh.

I've learned to really value true friends, and who they really are. Quality over quantity for sure. Even after thinking that I had finally made some real girl friends out in LA, I was proven wrong again. Girls are just bitchy. I never seem to get along with them, and they always seem to make up fake stories and lies about me. I'm sorry, I'm not that person you claim I was. 

Being promised to be moved up at your job for a year and a half is exhausting. Between going back and forth with managers, I was still never upped. Yea, I kind of just got that promotion. Sadly didn't get to do anything with it. I wasn't even getting a raise with it! Just a minor bonus at the end. So working full time, with no raise and a slight bonus is what? A bit more than $150 for almost four weeks you'd think right? Guess not. I know it was kind of a temporary position, but still! I'm worth more than that. I hope that they realize how big of an asset I was to that store. But wait, how do I go about finding a job in one of the worst off cities in the US? Thanks Detroit. The holiday season is over, there goes retail. No degree, limits my possibilities even more. UGH. 

Can you say frustrating?

Going into 2011 I thought this would be the year that I would finally get engaged and married. Wrong again. 

I always wonder why. I work so hard at everything in my life and yet nothing seems to go the way I'd like. That's how it's been for my whole life, especially my short adult life so far. Here I am, less than two short weeks away from turning 24 and I don't have really anything to show for it. I thought by at this point in my life I'd have something or be someone. I'm no further ahead than where I was when I graduated high school at 18. Seeing fellow grads getting married and having babies just hurts me and pulls at my jealousy strings. ((ok I know that may sound wrong and come off the wrong way, but there is meaning behind it too.)) But that's what I want! Sometimes I go back to how I think I'm just meant to be a wife and a mother. That, that is my calling. 

Maybe I shouldn't put so much hope into 2012, and just let things happen the way they're meant to.